I’ve been in a relationship since I was almost 16-years old, up until I was 25-years old. I’ve been single for almost three years now. Got learning about Dre out of the way, next it’s become learning about men. I’ve definitely gone backwards in this life! Haha, but it’s an animated life most def.
Anyhow, a girl’s first lessons on the opposite sex normally come from her father and how he regards her mother and his children. I lacked this. Instead, I learned from how my mother regarded men. As most people know, my mother is the superwoman of them all! I love her to death; but I sometimes realize how she’s made my sisters and I into some real hard-asses – excuse my language:) She’s an amazing woman and I owe being the strong woman I am now, to her.
I’m dating again -- pause for the party horns please….
… and holy cow, it’s rougher than I remember! I think I blame that on the fact that I have standards these days – haha. Okay, in all seriousness, yes it’s been definitely a combination of weeding out the ones that just won’t work and learning how much of my expectations need adjusting. Don’t mistake that statement for settling for less than you are – no one should settle. Instead, what I mean is that I find myself seeing how some of my expectations contradict each other.
My biggest thing these days is trying to find a man that can be the masculine man I crave, yet, the sensitive man that I’m used to. While doing so, I’ve learned more than I could have imagined and have decided to blog about my experiences. As of recently, I’ve learned the following:
Don't
Do
I’m dating again -- pause for the party horns please….
… and holy cow, it’s rougher than I remember! I think I blame that on the fact that I have standards these days – haha. Okay, in all seriousness, yes it’s been definitely a combination of weeding out the ones that just won’t work and learning how much of my expectations need adjusting. Don’t mistake that statement for settling for less than you are – no one should settle. Instead, what I mean is that I find myself seeing how some of my expectations contradict each other.
My biggest thing these days is trying to find a man that can be the masculine man I crave, yet, the sensitive man that I’m used to. While doing so, I’ve learned more than I could have imagined and have decided to blog about my experiences. As of recently, I’ve learned the following:
Don't
- Emasculate your man
- Take up all the masculine space in the relationship and then get mad at him for not being a man
- Put all the responsibility on yourself and then get mad at him for not doing his share
- Shame him for not being perfect or living up to your standards
- Compare him to another man
- Make fun of him for being too sensitive
- Measure his worth by his paycheck, his papers, or any external measure.
- Put up with him not giving you unconditional love and respect - but that means that you have to give it too
- Settle for a man who isn't willing to be honest with himself and do his own personal growth work, or get mad a man who won't change for you.
Do
- Value him for his ability to act and do as well as be and love; see his strengths and support him
- Be honest about your personal expectations, and take your personal hang ups out of the equation
- Expect a man to be honest with himself and do his personal work, and be compassionate with him along the way
- Believe that there are good men out there.
- Drop your unrealistic expectations and see your man as human, without giving up or settling for what your heart and soul truly desires.
Whew! So now, before I get my She-Man-Hater Card revoked (haha), I’ll leave it at that -- until next time, happy dating ya’ll….
Be blessed…
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