Tonight I sit at my crafting table, I have the perfect lighting, beading tray in front of me, computer in back of those, and 12 beaded earrings next to the scanner/printer. Led Zeppelin’s "Stairway to Heaven" echoes on the ipod in the background, a little louder than the thundering sounds of the rain outside. I didn't think I'd see monsoons this year after moving from AZ, yet, here they are. I'm all thought most days, especially when I'm at this table. This particular night, I’m thinking of the places I’ve been this year and plotting the places I’ll be before the year is over. I feel at ease when I’m working with my beads - I'm content… maybe this is what Life is all about.
Yesterday I heard she told my family about a secret. I knew she would the moment we stopped talking. You would think I would be hurt because I trusted her like a sister, however, I felt bad for her instead. My family will overlook this because it was MY secret to tell and even though she beat me to it, they are my family and they love me. That’s what families do – they love unconditionally and know that nothing is more important than family. She has no concept of family, for that, I feel bad for her. I’m no longer quick to be angered and lash out. I’m no longer angered, nor hurt, just disconnected from her deceitful ways. I am not interested in holding her accountable (nor anyone that has hurt me) for the harm caused, for they have to look at themselves in the mirror. I'm content knowing I can only control myself and the way I treat people…. maybe this is what Life is all about.
Last week, he insinuated that I was unpretty. If he wanted to make me feel as ugly as he feels on the inside, he should have just stopped there. Instead, he kept going with his whispers of wicked. The more he went on, the clearer it became that it was a hate that love made. I’m not laying on the floor anymore so you can look up when you speak to me. But yes you’re right, you are who you were before me and I AM who I AM now, because it is who I was meant2be – thanks. You wanted to get a rise out of me – I’ll do that… I’ll rise indeed. Rising above it all isn’t unfamiliar to me… maybe this is what Life is about.
That same week, my best friend Maria and my Momma reminded me that I have to be the woman I was meant to be and that sometimes people won’t understand it or even like it for that matter. They remind me often that all the people I hold close to me know the real Dre and for that, they haven’t gone anywhere when everyone has... maybe this is really what Life is about.
Last month I moved across the country. Not sure how I did it but I moved myself out of my apartment. I realized how self-sufficient I really was. I said bye to my family and friends. I cried when I closed the door to that chapter in my life, but not that much :-p I indulged in the things I love about Arizona that last week I was there, but when I was done, I really was done. I wasn’t sad to leave because Arizona will always be home. I didn’t even officially say goodbye to my closest people because really, I AM everywhere at once. Every closed door opens another and… maybe this is really what Life is about.
At the beginning of the year, I would have never guessed I’d be where I am right now. I would have never guess I’d be walking the streets of Washington DC, or starting my own business. I would have never imagined I’d be as grateful as I am now for those harsh realities I faced back then. Who would have known that I’d be thanking Creator for those unanswered prayers… maybe this is really what Life is about.
Last year, I left all that was good because something about it felt all bad. Who would have known that I was such a risk taker? Who would have known that there was enough glue in the world to fix what was broken. I learned that when it comes to relationships, there’s a million more fish in the sea – and boy are they biting lol :-) … maybe this is really what Life is about.
Two years ago, I drew a circle of color. It since has been my driving force to "create in color". These beads in front of me are here because of that circle. Beading has been good medicine for me. I experience by day, and bead about it by night. I feel pure happiness and gratitude from such simplicity… maybe this is really what Life is about.
Over 26 years ago, I was born Andrea Lynn Preston. Andrea is all I can ever guarantee that I’ll always BE… maybe this is really what Life is about. And guess what - I’m making it….